One of the biggest barriers to improving your health/fitness is social pressure. In fact, for many people, it’s the only major obstacles between them and any fitness/health goal they have.
Many people could stick to their intended diets at home, but the moment their friends invite them out for greasy pizza and drinks, the peer pressure is overwhelming. Your seemingly loving friends and family immediately judge and even sabotage your behaviors.
“Why are you such a party pooper? It’s just one night!”
“Are you on another lame diet?”
“You’re not as fun when you’re sober.”
The onslaught comes when they notice:
Now let me be clear, you don’t always have to do these things all the time to pursue better health. However, depending on your circumstances and desired rate of progress, many people will have to intently combat social peer pressure, especially if you go out frequently.
Humans behave largely based on their perceived identity. Humans are also social creatures by nature as this helps give us further meaning to who we are and how we should behave.
The more we value a group, the more that group shapes our identity. This is called in group favoritism or in group bias. The group has a set of unwritten rules, values, and a collective identity. When you behave according to the group rules, life is easy and everyone gets along. However, when those rules are broken, you’re viewed as an outsider.
This is also called the “black sheep” effect. Essentially, your behavior is different enough to trigger pushback.
For instance, if your group is known for taking shots and pounding down desserts and you suddenly refrain from that, your friend’s brains doesn’t like the cognitive dissonance it encounters because your behavior is a threat to the established identity of the group.
Logically, your most loved ones should be most supportive and but due to in group bias, this isn’t always the case.
Beyond breaking group norms that already throws your friends/family’s brain for a loop, they also have to deal with your behavior acting like a mirror. Truly secure people wouldn’t give two forks about you bringing tubber ware to a restaurant or asking for your dressing on the side.
But because most humans are insecure about their health/body, seeing you attempting healthy lifestyle changes stimulates further cognitive dissonance that they’re not taking care of their own health despite desiring to.
All this cognitive dissonance often translates to social sabotage and it’s is not reflective of your behavior. It’s more reflective of how they feel about themselves, so definitely don’t take it personal. It’s a lot of unpleasantness for their brain to process.
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The first step is to be friendly yet brutally honest with your friends/family. Explain what your intent is and why you’re doing what you’re doing. Don’t beat around the bush.
If you have to say, “Hey, I know one night is not a big deal, but I want to be the hottest mom by summertime, so I’m going to pass on drinks and dessert tonight,” then say exactly that. The clearer and firmer you are, the better.
If they insist beyond that, you don’t owe any further explanation. “No” is still a complete answer.
Next you need to stick to your word. If you say that you’ll be happy with just one breadstick tonight, but your friends see you followed everyone’s lead to eat 3, they won’t respect your health pursuit seriously. They will continue the social pressure in the future because they know their efforts can keep you within the group’s social norm.
This is why you need to continually stick to your healthier intentions. It can feel hard at first, but over time, your friends and family will understand. As your behavior stays consistent, they will start to believe the person you are becoming, but you have to believe it first.
If do this well for long enough, other people might even follow your lead to be healthier and you may create a whole new group dynamic.
Lastly, I think some people are just straight up dicks. I do think there are instances where you need to limit time with and even cut some people out of your life (with the exception of your husband/wife). These are people who are consistently malicious and disrespectful towards your goals even after you’ve been continually honest and respectful to them.
It’s understandable that friends would feel initially distraught at your changed behavior and tease a bit. However, they should still have your best interest at heart, especially for something noble like improving your health and fitness.
If all else fails, you need to consider finding more supportive friends and limiting exposure to unsupportive ones.
Ultimately, I know social pressure and sabotage can suck, but I’m confident you’re now more equipped to handle it. Be sure to save this article and don’t let others get in the way of what’s best for you champ.
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